Girls, if you ever want to grab a guy's attention, just start making out with each other. After all, from the way guys talk, it seems like on the list of guys' favorite things to do (if they could), watching girls get it on is right up there near the top.
But lesbians are overrated.
Oh, lesbians are perfectly fine, productive members of society. I've got no beef with them (literally and figuratively). I've only known a couple of lesbians really well, and they're great people. In fact, despite the threat of them luring away some of my potential mates (those who are "on the fence", I guess), I really do think that lesbians make the world a better place. I guess what I mean, then, is that straight guys' sexual fantasies regarding lesbians are overrated.
I'll admit that even I have succumbed to the social pressure to express lesbian fantasies on several occasions. I mean, if you're with a group of guys watching Cruel Intentions and the scene where Sarah Michelle Gellar makes out with Selma Blair comes on, not uttering at least a single "Oh, yeah!" or "That's what I'm talking about!" or showing some other display of approval would be tantamount to coming out of the closet. But that stops now. No more will I let myself feel like my masculinity is attached to how much I like lesbians.
Just like I think watching lesbians get it on would be overrated, I think getting it on WITH lesbians would be overrated.
I mean, when you think about it, the problem with getting it on with a couple of lesbians is that they would shift the focus from what it should be on: you.
I'd feel left out. I'd want to join in. I imagine that watching two lesbians together is a bit like watching a taco bell commercial advertising the latest addition to their menu. You recognize all of the same taco bell ingredients you've come to know and love, but at the same time their rearrangement still seems new and exciting. But alas, it's 3:02 a.m., which means that taco bell is closed, making your dream of actually experiencing a nacho cheese supreme 7-layer taco just beyond reach. But even if you are lucky to have an open taco bell across the street, I'd be willing to bet that you'd end up going with the usual gordita you are used to ordering. If not that time, you soon will switch back after the novelty wears off.
(I'm sorry for the taco analogy. I didn't really realize that I was writing about tacos until just now.)
That is to say, even if they were particularly welcoming lesbians, anxious to let everyone get involved, I'm not sure my reaction to that circumstance would be as enthusiastic as it's supposed to be. Call me insecure, but I have a hard enough time handling one woman, let alone two. Not to mention the fact that these women are undoubtedly more skilled in certain areas than all but the most experienced guys.
But even if they were straight, and I were the greatest lover in the world, when it comes down to it, like Jerry Seinfeld, I guess I'm just not an orgy guy.
(If you'll recall George and Jerry's dialogue from that amazing episode:
"So what happened?"
"She's into it."
"Into what?"
"The menage. And not only that. She just called me and said she talked to the roommate and the roommate's into the menage too."
"That's unbelievable."
"Oh, it's a scene man."
"Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank god that you know me and have access to my dementia?"
"What are you talking about? I'm not goin' to do it."
"You're not goin to do it? What do you mean, You're not goin to do it?"
"I can't. I'm not an orgy guy."
"Are you crazy? This is like discovering Plutonium ... by accident."
"Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I'd have to dress different. I'd have to act different. I'd have to grow a moustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd have to get new friends. I'd have to get orgy friends. ... Naw, I'm not ready for it."
"If only something like that could happen to me."
"Oh, shut up you couldn't do it either."
"I know."
So I guess at least Jerry shares my opinion. (But then, I always kind of thought that Jerry was a little bit questionable in the realm of his sexuality....... hmm......)
Alright, I'll stop my rambling for now. I started out with lesbians, then I ended up talking about orgies more generally. Anyway, I have no business writing any of this. I haven't had the opportunity to get up close and personal with any lesbians, nor have I ever had the company of more than one straight girl in my bed at the same time. For the sake of research and remaining fair and balanced, however, I am willing to give it a try. Lesbians out there, prove me wrong! Send me your contact info., and a picture. Preferably naked, making out with another girl. That would be hot, right guys?!
Next up: public transportation themed dates
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
14 comments:
it's funny that you write about food & drink and hoards of folks have things to say, yet you bring up lady love and all is suddenly quiet on the western front.
just about every lesbian i've ever known could totally kicked my ass... and that scares me... therefore i agree with the call of over-rated.
also, to bring this back around to tasty coffees, i once had a crush on a tasty starbucks barista. she, probably because it was her job, knew me by name and always engaged me in small talk. i thought maybe i'd have a shot until one night i was at a show and saw her making out with some other woman.
i've since stopped drinking starbucks.
i am almost certain that lesbians would appreciate your view that they are overrated. most lesbians do not appreciate having their sexuality viewed as a gift for horny straight guys.
would it be over- or underrated to share a slice of toast and a cup of starbucks coffee with a lesbian??
there's not much else to say other than you're really right on with this one. cultural expectations, reinforced through the media via music and movies, probably make the fellas believe that threesomes with lesbians are a. more pervasive, and b. more worthwhile than they really are.
on the other hand, how would one know if that experience were under-rated? would a guy really fess up that it wasn't all that he thought it would be? (doubtful - although the girls probably would!)
ps
safeguy you are so right. way to buck up and post first.
I almost wrote the "it's funny no one is commenting about lesbians" comment yesterday, but then I felt weird about pointing that out.
Good thing safeguy stepped in.
Since the ice has been broken, I feel I can now weigh in. Thank heaven there are men in the world who think males' lesbian fantasies are overrated. Thank you thank you thank you. I've never understood why the fantasy is even popular with dudes, unless it's because men don't like seeing other men in their porn movies or threesome fantasies. Oh, and I guess because part of the fun of fantasy is to think about things you can never get.
As a straight woman, I certainly don't dream about two guys making out with each other. But if fantasy is all about the unattainable, then would I get off on that if I gave the fantasy a chance? Are Gay Man Fantasies in fact...underrated?
West Virginia is overrated. Come to Rocktoberfest.
Are fantestes (gay male fantasies) even rated in the first place?
Is West Virginia a lesbian euphemism?
Well, I'm still unsure about gay male fantasies, but I know the word "fantestes" is underrated, that's for dang sure.
We're in almost perfect agreement here. The whole point of lesbianism is that there's no me involved. The whole "two people who find me sexually unappealing having sex with each other-that's HAWT!" thing escapes me.
When I was single, I was even more down on lesbianism. Simple math, really. Let X = the number of women in a population, and Y = the number of men in the same group. Let's say:
X ~= Y, or rather
X/(X+Y) ~= .5
For every lesbian couple, you take not one but two women out of the mix without removing any of the guys.
(X-2)/(X+(Y-2)) < .5
And, obviously, it gets worse the more lesbian couples you get. That's no way to live. At the same time, I actively supported homosexual couples in men.
X/((X-2)+Y) > .5
You remove two gents without affecting the female population.
Now that I'm happily coupled up, I don't worry too much about the shifting odds, and besides, bisexuality and assexuality make a mess of the calculation.
Oh, and Pink Triangle is one of my favourite Weezer tunes.
this blog needs to implement a no-math-allowed rule.
my head hurts.
I consider myself duly chastised (which is the only proper way to feel chastised, IMO) and shall henceforth refrain from ridiculous formulae that add nothing to the point I'm trying to make but seem terribly clever in the early AM before the coffee has kicked in.
this blog is overrated.
i knew that i shouldn't believe you when you said you were going to write a new post a few nights ago :P
This is a very interesting and well reasoned point, I'm not sure how well I'd be able to deal with a threesome (which hardly counts as an orgy).
That said I laughed hard at (I didn't realize I was talking about tacos). XD
(Even though this is such an old post, I felt the need to leave a comment reading this.)
Dream on, boys. Lesbians don't fuck men. They're lesbian because they like women. Had they been willing to do guys, they're not lesbian, but bi. Simple as that.
Believe me, I'm lesbian, and I would never even kiss a guy.
Ridiculous. You talk as if liking that is something stupid.
First of all, I like watching lesbian sex. So what? It turns me on. I would never try to get a lesbian girl. That would be stupid. But really, what's the problem in liking to watch two lesbians fucking each other?
Post a Comment